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Dreams... Dreams can be wonderful. But every once and a while they can become a nightmare, frightening the warmth out of the soul. Have you ever been trapped in a nightmare? It may start off peaceful, but throughout the night, the darkness takes over the light. You feel chills throughout your body. You try to wake but the fear of running from whatever is coming overthrows your ability to open your eyes. I have had this very experience. almost every night, I feel as if I’m awake but my body weighs 1000 pounds. Unable to wake, unable to escape the very thing I fear most. It may sound silly but it’s real. My nightmares feel real. If they can happen when I’m awake and prevent me from doing the one thing I can to avoid them. What is stopping them from controlling me? Nothing. They trap me. They hold me down and torture me. I am afraid to sleep. It has been days since I last shut my eyes. I fear the thought of sleep. When I close my eyes, I can feel it overpowering my body. Constricting my chest. You may ask why this is happening, or when it all started. I wish I didn’t know the answers to that. Unfortunately, I know exactly why it’s happening. I let my curiosity get the best of me. And this time it’s slowly killing me.
I have always been a quiet person. I enjoy reading. It’s my escape from reality. Exploring the world people can create is riveting. I compare it to a dream. People can write how they feel, what they dream about or what they fear the most. I have a craving for fairy tales. They allow me to expand on my dreams, even if it’s not real. I like to pretend it is.
Last week I went to the library to find a new book. I happened to find one that looked hundreds of years old. It sparked my interest. The cover looked like it was from the middle ages. It was quite dusty, and very worn out. But that didn’t stop me. I didn’t even look inside. I knew I wanted to read it. I took it to go check it out. That’s when I saw Mr. Linden; he owned the library and knew me very well. He asked me casually what I was going to read this time. I responded with excitement. But when I looked closer at the book, it didn’t have a title. I was turning the book from side to side, looking for it. Mr. Linden suddenly snatched the book out of my fingers. I was startled. Wide eyed I looked up at him. I felt so small. Why would he do such a thing? “'Please' would be nice,” I quietly muttered to myself. He instantly responded telling me the book was no longer available. Curiously, I asked why. He had no answer for me. He turned and walked away without saying a word. Never have I been so confused. I saw Mr.Linden put the book behind the desk, underneath a stack of papers. I walked around the library some more, hoping to find a book that would strike my interest to the amount that one did. I had no such luck. I couldn’t get that one book out of my mind. It was calling me. I was just about to leave the library when I noticed Mr. Linden walking to the back room. I could see the book, it would be so easy for me to take. I would return it, I thought to myself. Just one night. I just wanted to see what it was about. It was so Majestic. What was it even called? I convinced myself to snatch it quickly and leave without another second to go by. This is when it all began…
It wasn’t a coincidence that the book was drawing itself to me. It was Magical! I could feel it. Walking home I could feel the warmth coming off of it. As soon as I walked through the door, I went straight into my bed and got comfortable. I began to open the cover, the energy radiating off of the book was overwhelming. There was something written on the first page, I could hardly read it. It was written so small and it looked like throughout the years its became quite smudged. I got a feeling for a small second, a feeling of evil I decided to ignore it. My excitement for this book was blocking my instincts. So flipping to the next page I went. The book, it was blank. Every page was blank. I didn’t understand. That must be why Mr.Linden said it was no longer available. The disappointment was crushing me. I laid in bed thinking about the book. Constantly asking myself how it could be blank. It was so strange. Eventually I let my eyes shut and let my imagination take a hold of what could have been there.
My dream, it was so peaceful. I could not remember what I dreamt about, but the feelings. Oh the feelings! It felt so real! Those feelings lingered with me the whole day. At school I couldn’t wait to go home and dream once again.
Lying in bed that night, I picked up the book. Closing my eyes and taking in all the happiness it brought. Opening the book I realized the first chapter was written. How? How was that possible? I read the chapter. It was my dream! It was real. How? How could that be? I was more confused then I have ever been. Questions ran through my head until I fell asleep once again. But this night it was different. The overwhelming feelings of happiness weren’t the same.
My tummy was twisted when i woke up. I felt ill. I stayed home from school that day. All the brilliant emotions I felt throughout the other night were no longer there. My happiness was turning into something else. I opened the book once again and the second chapter was written. Right under my thumb the feelings I felt all had words put to them. I didn’t want to read it. I didn’t want to know. It wasn’t what I wanted.
I took a nap that day. Hoping to wake with all these feelings gone. But that wasn’t the case. It was the opposite. It was worse then before. “please stop” I begged. I didn’t want this book anymore. I couldn’t remember anything from my dream, but I know it wasn’t pleasant. I wouldn’t even call it a dream anymore. I was a nightmare. And it was with me even when I was awake. Just like when I had the overpowering emotions of happiness throughout the day. only this time is wasn’t happiness that lingered with me. It was like a dark cloud of death.
I put the book in the back of my closet. I didn’t want to see it. It was not magical. At least not in the way I would have hoped. I just wanted it to disappear. Why did I have to let my curiosity take over. I never had something so cruel come from something so beautiful. That book was poison.
I tried my hardest not to sleep. Eventually however, my eyes shut and the darkness inside my mind grew. I was trapped. I swear I laid For hours, panicking, struggling to wake. It wouldn’t let me go. This was the worst moment of my life. I could hear all around me, I was completely conscious but I had no power over my body. It was holding me down, sucking the life and every last bit of happiness out of me. “Please,” I screamed. At that moment I woke. I ran to the closet and got the wicked book. i opened it up to the very first page. Where the words were once blurred, it was now clear. “The end is near.” The page that gave me the horrible feeling, the feeling I ignored. I turned to the fourth chapter that was now written. The nightmare I encountered was written there. I sat there and read it. All of my fears were in this book. It was the hardest thing to read. But I needed to know what was scaring me so much. The words were so vicious. The presence of this book was suffocating me. I felt the blood leaving my body. My eyes were surrounded with black circles. It was like all the life was leaving me. And I believe it. This book was bringing me to the end of my life. I did not have the energy to do anything but lay there.
You would think it would be impossible to stay awake after 46 hours without sleep. But it wasn’t. I knew I wouldn’t last another night trapped in my nightmare. So I laid there attempting to read something else. To bring some dreams back into my world, but my vision, it was becoming blurry. I couldn’t focus. This is when i lost control, I grabbed the cursed book and tore out every page that my nightmares were written one. I burned them all. I needed this to end. I couldn’t live life like this any longer.
I felt a moment of freedom while those pages were burning. I let them burn and closed my eyes. A smile appeared on my face. “I win,” I said to myself. And I dived into a deep sleep.
When I woke, the room was black. Was it nighttime? How long had I been asleep? I couldn’t see anything, I stepped off my bed, and began to walk toward the light switch but within my first few steps I fell. I felt like I was falling off a thousand foot cliff. There was bright red fire down at the bottom. It was so deep. I couldn’t help but scream. I could feel my heart stop, I could no longer breathe. The further i fell, the more I could feel the flames on my skin. I knew I wasn’t awake. I was in my dream. I thought to myself over and over again, its just a dream. It's not real. But something was coming and it was coming fast. The fear was over taking me. I wailed my body trying to wake myself up. My eyes wouldn’t open. At this moment I knew that burning my nightmares didn’t fix anything. It only made it worse. This time I was awake in my nightmare. Something grabbed me. It was wrapping itself around me. My skin was burning. I was constantly trying my hardest to scream and wake myself out of this nightmare. “You’re not real,” I used my last breath to scream at whatever was around me. I finally woke up, catching my breath. Coughing like my lungs were full of smoke and ash.
I laid in bed, letting my tears fall. It was the hardest I ever cried. It was over and I knew it was time. I slowly got out bed, my body hurt. I looked down at my legs, they were covered in burns. I stepped into the bathroom, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. My whole body was covered in burns. At this point I didn’t want to ask questions anymore. I was so drained. My face, once beautiful and young, was now like an old crone. I ran the tub, nice and cold. I needed to soothe the burns.
On my way out of the bath I grabbed something that would save me. After that I decided I needed one last drink, and the vodka was calling my name. I grabbed the bottle and went back into my bed. I laid there with the book open. Nothing new was written. I laughed out of pain, and sadness. My laugh quickly turned into tears. And before I knew it something was coming. It was coming from the book. My nightmares were coming into my reality. I shut the book and decided to end it. This is my story. This is what happened. I was happy before all of this started, I was peaceful. But when so much evil overtook me, it was time to surrender. The book of death. That should be the title. If I couldn’t erase what this book knows about me I needed to take it to the next level. And I wasn’t taking any chances. I needed to burn this book, just it has burned me. I was ending it. And now I lay in bed, letting the fire consume me and destroying the book.