Believe it or not, the world is dark and demonic place to live. A place where people contemplate and wonder if it is worth living, wondering if it is worth getting your heart broken, losing people you love, feeling like you're never going to be good enough. That you may never be pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, or smart enough for someone to love. The world is supposed to stop moving, it's supposed to feel like everything is going to be easier; not more complicated. Simplicities are not supposed to become the complications, they are supposed to stay simple with the smallest of issues, maybe some tiny things here and there but nothing mind baffling. You're supposed to feel like you can defeat the entire world with just a punch, going in kicking ass! Instead, you feel like you're punching a brick wall with your bare hands watching them bleed as you pull the first layer of your skin from your knuckles. Imagine it; the blood simply trickling from the fresh wounds you caused, your elbows resting on your knees and your forehead settling in the palms of your hands. The saltiness of your tears burning the wounds as they make their way over them, pain is all you feel but it is full of satisfaction. If you feel like you're fighting the world alone, this is what you are forced to face! What you are forced to try and overcome. Does it ever work? Now that is up to you to find out. Everything in your life is up to you, whether you're emotionally unstable, or you're the happiest person in the world, you will always have something in your life that needs a new road to success. You can't imagine being lifeless, you can't imagine being painless because life is full of failure and pain just so that you can learn to overcome the speed bumps that are meant to make you a better person. We are allowed to have our moments; we are also allowed to conquer the world as well.
We can tell ourselves that we are okay, that the world is going to be perfect whenever we choose to make it that way. Yet, so many things happen that they set us back not one step back, but so many that it seems almost impossible to make it out of the hole that you're now in. Think;
It's freshman year, a fresh start which we are supposed to start the so called "wonderful years" of High School. Some excited, some petrified, some wanting it to be over with already. It's a beautiful Tuesday, a month into the school year and you're walking the halls with you're best friend who has made your life worthwhile due to you moving around so much with being a military brat. You never made friends but this one decided to stick around and show you what a real friend was like. It may have been just a High School friend, but they were more than that. They were family, you stayed the night with them throughout the entire summer, barley being home except to get new clothes and let your parents know that you are okay. You called their parents "Mom and Dad" they just called you their adoptive child, even as you could tell that you were a different race, it was that friendship that kept you going and made it okay to walk through the double doors to your High School. You guys admired the trees, the leaves as they continuously changed colors each day that you would go to school. You enjoyed the nature that you could witness just within the courtyard gardens.
You thought that High School would be okay. You guys were planning to graduate together, go to college and have a future. Either with each other or in separate ways, you still impacted each others lives, making everything seem GREAT compared to a reality outside the walls of your enjoyable young friendship. Then, one day everything broke loose. Walking home after school one day, missing the bus on purpose so that you could explore off base property. You didn't imagine it was going to be a bad idea until you stood face to face with a .9 Millimeter pistol from a stranger on the street. Not the safest neighborhood no, but by any means did you think you would have to deal with this situation. Your best friend telling the person to stop, telling them that we will leave that we didn't want any harm to come to either of us. You stand there frozen as the gun is sitting against your temple, the cold barrel forcing goosebumps to form on your arms as this stranger was thinking about taking your life. Your best friend grabs the guy's forearm, hoping to knock the gun out of his hand. Instead, you witnessed the person who was trying to save your life, fly backwards as the bullet makes its way into her skull. Watching the mess fly within the air, you scream but no words or sounds come from your mouth. You drop to the ground after the stranger starts running. You crawl hopelessly over to your best friend, whose body was limp and lying there motionless. Everything in the world spun at hyper speed, making everything in the world something you never thought that it could be. You begin to think to yourself "it should have been me" but you knew she wanted the best for you. Your hands now covered in her blood, your tears falling against her body as you wish and hope for her to move a finger or blink her eyes open. Instead she was pronounced dead. You become emotionless and unsteady... Because the entire world was not worth it anymore. Witnessing the only person who cared about you, leave the world as if nothing else were going for them. The world is a dangerous place, we will not survive if we fight and question ourselves every day of our life. It seems so complicated, that is because it is. The world has never been so complicated. You contemplate everything and let the memories rush through your head as you still hold her dry blood on your body. Everything was ending, the world was never going to be the same. Was I supposed to be okay after that? No. No one was. Simplicities become the complications in your life, you're supposed to fight for them to come back around to settle and reassure that no matter what... It will always be a just a part of your complicated world. Is there anything such as simple?