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Ah young love — it's almost enough to make you vomit. If the end of the world weren't tough enough, #AMC went and turned #TheWalkingDead into its own version of Dawson's Creek with Episode 5's "Go Getters," a mushy teen romance for the ages. Listen up Scott Gimple, the only mush we want on this show is the mushing of people's brain matter. As the rest of the groups tear apart, it looks like Chandler Riggs's Carl and Katelyn Nacon's Enid are getting closer than ever.
In a show that is as much about the human side of a zombie outbreak as feeding on flesh, Carl and Enid are the latest in many a rotten romance. Let's be honest though, the star-crossed lovers are never going to rank up there with the show's great couples. For a start, who has time in a zombie apocalypse to take up rollerskating? However, there is a small glimmer of sadistic glee on the horizon, as nothing is a happy ending on TWD — the history of the show has a lot to teach us about post-apocalyptic relationships.
Quick, push her in the ditch and run away, run as far away as you can and forget you ever had feelings for that girl. This is not The Little Mermaid, and you should not "Kiss the Girl." With the impending doom of Scott Gimple's bloodlust hanging over the pair, let's look at some of the lucky/unlucky romances from AMC's walk on the dead side and see what we can learn.
1. Andrea and The Governor
Considering they are both six feet under, this one would be a hard relationship to maintain, but it goes down as one of the show's worst. After Andrea paid a hefty price when she betrayed The Guv to save her old friends, Guv carried on muddling through for another season until his blaze of prison attack glory. Perhaps the most frustrating part about this pairing was the way it was handled. Uncharacteristic soppiness was undoubtedly the nail in the coffin for Laurie Holden's normally resilient Andrea.
2. Rick and Lori (And Shane)
The holy trifecta on how to f*ck it up. The Grimes/Walsh saga took up far too much on the show's first two seasons, and it was our first taste of a man actually being more dangerous than the undead. Sticking to the comic books, both Lori and Shane's cards were marked, but it didn't stop us counting down the minutes until they joined the funeral pyre. It was clear that the grizzled Rick Grimes that we have come to look up to would need to undergo one hell of a transition, and at least Lori and Shane offered him that. Unfortunately, the show dropped the ball by making Lori come across as a bit of a cocktease — sorry TWD, it just didn't work.
3. Maggie and Glenn
There was never going to be a happy ending for the Rhee clan, and to put the icing on the cake of Maggie's shit year (her father and sister died), her other half then goes and pops his clogs. The unrivaled Romeo and Juliet of the show, Maggie and Glenn provided a rare bit of happiness in the undead wasteland. However, with Robert Kirkman's twisted mind, and Glenn's iconic death, having his head bashed in by Negan needed to be done. Importantly, the death of Glenn is a turning point for Maggie, who will now head on her on a powerful road to lead The Hilltop.
4. Rosita and Abraham
He really did take it like a champ, but that didn't stop Sgt. Abraham Ford having his head mushed at the start of Season 7. The comic counterparts of Abraham and Rosita had a much longer and more developed relationship, but it seems like the show sort of threw them together because it didn't know any better. Season 6 even split them up so he could shack up with Sasha and his ending would be more poignant, but that relationship was somehow mildly worse. With about as much chemistry as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, no one shed a tear for the breakup of Rosita and Abe.
5. Tara and Denise
The whole "TV has a problem with lesbians" argument rears its head once more. We were barely one episode into Denise and Tara's romantic tryst, then the good doctor went and took an arrow through the eye. The most saddening part about this is that Tara still doesn't know, as she has been on that supply run for a VERY long time now. It is hard not to agree that shows often don't know what to do with their LGBT characters, and Tara/Denise is case in point.
6. Aaron and Eric
They make up the show's only (current) gay relationship, and one of the few surviving ones, but you barely remember it is there. Don't get your wedding hats out just yet, if we follow the comics, Aaron and Eric are heading for splitsville too. As Rick leads one of his many attacks on Savior outposts, Eric gets shot in the head. Aaron is still alive and kicking as of Issue #160, and it is teased that he will find himself a new romantic interest in Jesus. Given that there has been no allusion to Jesus preferring the company of men yet, don't expect him and a mourning Aaron to be hooking up anytime soon. We still need to get that creepy Eric out the way first.
7. Carol and Ezekiel
Given Carol's Black Widow status, I would be getting the holy hell out of there if I was our dreadlocked friend. From her husband Ed, to last flame Tobin, Carol isn't lucky in love. While Cazekiel may be everyone's favorite thing to 'ship at the moment, it is also doomed from the start. The comic books have Michonne becoming queen of The Kingdom, but that also doesn't last long; a defeated Ezekiel soon had his head mounted on a pike courtesy of new threat The Whisperers. It looks like Carol is taking Michonne's role is this tale, but Ezekiel will almost certainly meet the same fate.
8. Rick and Michonne
"But they are two of the main characters," you cry. The undeniable golden couple of The Walking Dead, Michonne and Rick are the Posh and Becks of Georgia. That isn't to say it will last forever, and we are quick to forget that Robert Kirkman confirmed that ol' Grimey won't be making it out of the apocalypse alive. So yes, Rick and Michonne may be safe for now, but just like everyone else, the clock is ticking.
So, is a vow of abstinence the only way to truly mark yourself safe during a zombie romp? Norman Reedus's hunky Daryl is the lone wolf, sexually ambivalent, and more focused on sticking his crossbow in you than something else. It seems to be paying off, as a chastity belt earns you a free pass to Season 8. Reedus is (so far) one of only two cast members confirmed to return next year — the other is Rick, but we knew that already.
Just like the Scream films taught us "never have sex," is The Walking Dead taking Carl and Enid into dangerous "cast cull" territory? Riggs's contract for next year is already up in the air due to his college aspirations, and Enid is currently ranked as the show's least liked character (bad news when you are up against Negan). Given the show's bloody history, hand holding hints that Season 7 could be one of the pair's last.