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(WARNING: Graphic descriptions, extreme lust, and a potion gone VERY wrong)
?: "They say that the Giant Elk is hundreds of years old and is still lurking in those woods.”
??: “Oh, wow, yeah. Never heard that one, before, Skinny.”
???: “Wadda ‘bout th’Game-Playin’ Princess, Mate?”
Mate: “At least a dozen times, Bud, with three different variations.”
Skinny: "You got something original, then?"
????: “I got one…”
Bud: “De Noobie has one? Is it about werewolves?”
Skinny: “Is it that one story about a guy who meets a girl that was a vampire. And then drank his blood and made him forget why he was even in the forest?”
Noobie: “No, it’s-”
Bud: “De one about th’girl who fought her friend who wuzza demon n’ was turned inta one after killing her?”
Noobie: “No, but it’s about a girl…”
Mate: “Aren’t they all.”
Noobie: “So, she was a Plain Jane type of girl: freckles, brown hair and eyes, no idea what to really do with her life. The one goal she was sure of, though, was winning the heart of her crush. I don’t know his exact features, but he was probably the Tall, Dark, and Handsome type.”
Skinny: “Not a blondie pretty boy with ‘emerald orbs’ for eyes?”
Noobie: “If you want that. Anyway, Jane had a crush on Tall n' Dark and wanted to get him to notice her. She got to know him through conversations, but when she confessed her love at a party, he said no. When she pleaded with him, he still declined, even shouting ‘Get away from me’, which embarrassed her.”
Mate: “She sounds like the clingy type.”
Bud: “She gonna angst like dem bratty teenage girls do, now?”
Noobie: “Pretty much. Jane ran out of the building where the party was at and into the woods. She ran by tall trees, mysterious night sounds, and lurking creatures. This trail led to an old cottage. It used to belong to her grandparents, who had since passed away. Jane loved her grandparents and their house, and kept it cleaned and in livable condition. It was like her sanctuary, her ‘home away from home’.”
Skinny: “And it was there that she met an unwelcome guest?”
Noobie: “No. It was just her. She curled up on one of the two fur-covered love seats in the dark, crying and pleading to some deity for Mr. Tall’s love. Of course nothing came.”
Mate: “When is this story going to get good?”
Bud: “Mate, shut ‘er. S’more original den any a’ yer stories so far. Noobie, what happens next?”
Noobie: “Eventually, she lights a lantern on the coffee table and goes upstairs. The creaking wood would’ve sounded creepy to anyone else. But to her, they were purrs of familiarity and good memories.
Noobie: “Jane steps onto the second floor and goes straight to her grandparents’ room. Now, the reason why her grandparents lived in the forest in the first place was because they were mages. Their room had plenty of spell books. Jane remembered trying some simple spells when she was younger, but she was never good at them.
Noobie: “’That’s because,’ she said, ‘I never had a strong desire for anything. With magic, you need that, and I want him. I want to taste him'. She took a book she recognized from the top shelf and flipped through the pages. She found a potion for a love charm that would bind two people together for the rest of their lives. She slept in the cottage for the night and gathered the ingredients in the morning. Some herbs and sweet-smelling flowers to get his attention, as well as the blood of a snake. Whe-“
Skinny: “Wait a tick, why a snake?”
Noobie: “Because snakes represent transformation and she wanted to change his feelings. Anyway, when it was ready by the evening, she put it in a container and went back to the town. She slipped it to him-“
Mate: “Let me guess: someone else took it and a toxic love triangle emerged.”
Noobie: “No. He drank it, started giving her his attention, and she loved it. She even got some revenge on him by brushing off his confession at first. Then she agreed to go out with him the next time he asked her. After apologizing repeatedly while on his knees and swearing to be with her for the rest of his life.
Noobie: “From then on, the two were always seen together. A few suspected witchcraft, but most didn’t believe in such ‘superstitious nonsense’.”
Mate: “Is this where things go wrong?”
Noobie: “Yes. Yes, it does."
Noobie: “A few days since she slipped him the charm, she decided it was time to step things up from hand-holding. One evening after a date, Jane and Tall started kissing by the moonlit window at her house. She had butterflies in her stomach and her skin was tingling in delight...”
Mate: “Yeah, and?”
Bud: “Well, look who’s finally inta th’story!”
Mate: “Whatever, Bud. What happens next, Noobie?”
Noobie: “When they were, y’know, making out... she felt something else than just nervous butterflies. She began to feel little worms replacing the tingles, wiggling under her skin. Around her cheeks, the worms painlessly – but uncomfortably – slid in and out of her pores. She pulled back, staring at him in fright and rubbing her face. She felt nothing and he told her he didn’t know what she was talking about. He told her that she was just nervous because it was her first kiss. He assured her that it would eventually go away.
Noobie: “But it only got worse. The more they kissed and held each other, the more the skin wiggling continued. Jane began to notice changes to Tall after they kissed. His skin would get scaly, his eyes would change, and she felt worms crawling under her skin everywhere.
Noobie: “At first, she tried to put some space between them. Unfortunately, she must’ve wished too hard when she made the charm. He started stalking her whenever she left the house. He tried to kiss Jane when he was with her. She even found some of her clothes or items like her hairbrush had gone missing. With the help of a friend to distract Tall, she was free to escape into the woods. She made her way along the familiar grassy path to the cottage, where she would make an antidote.”
Bud: “Den what?”
Noobie: “Jane’s friend wasn’t much of a distraction. Tall was too wrapped up in lust and marched to her house. When he found that she wasn’t there, he snuck into her room and took her replacement hairbrush. Then he left, some strange sense pulling him towards the woods. Tall followed the path in the evening’s light and found the cottage. To his maddened delight, he found Jane inside, finishing the antidote.
Noobie: “At first, she tried to convince him to drink it out of love. She said ‘I noticed that you have not appeared to be faring well. You have been looking… pale now and again, and your skin does not feel as warm. If you truly love me, you will drink this medicine which I have worked so hard to make for you.’”
Noobie: “Tall took the bottle…”
Bud: “N’ den…?”
Noobie: “… Brought his arm up…”
Noobie: “… And chucked the bottle behind him, where it broke by the stone fireplace.
Noobie: “He said ‘Jane, you’re my only antidote. I want you. I want to consume you.’”
Skinny: "Oh my God…"
Noobie: “'Get away from me!’ she shrieked and ran up the stairs, each creak from the steps she and he made a scream of her demise. She ran into her grandparents’ room and tried to hide, but he found her. He pinned her down by the wall, and started kissing her, his long tongue slithering in her mouth. She believed that he was turning into a snake now, and she would get eaten, but something else was happening. Little scaly worms were crawling back and forth between their skin. Their flesh started fusing together. She could feel the new muscle snagging hers and both of their pounding heartbeats. Their bones fused and they fell on the floor. They were turning into a snake – that was her new guess.”
Mate: “S-so, what? That’s not what happened?”
Noobie: “Worse. They weren’t turning into a snake, but rather a snake grew from them, making the two its first meal. Jane and Tall were stuck in the smooth, elastic, squishy walls of its stomach. They would be slowly digested together for the rest of their lives.”
Bud: “Dat… dat’s sick.”
Noobie: “That giant snake still lives in those woods with the rest of those legends. In that abandoned cottage that the girl once took care of. On the bright side, if you see it, it’ll be easy to run from. It’s like a pregnant mother with kicking twins, as the two of them are still getting eaten in its bulging stomach.”