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Did she kill her?

I didn’t mean to kill her. She...she was just there. I couldn’t control my thoughts. Where do I hide the body? Will I get caught? Will I ever be able to go back to a normal life? So many questions and no words to answer them. A rush of adrenaline courses through my body as I try to figure out what to do next. The first thing that comes to mind is to hide the body and get out with no trace left behind. I didn’t think a second more, just acted. Taking the body I headed towards the car. My heart pounding in my chest threatening to burst. Setting the body down on the asphalt parking lot, I  open the trunk. I looked up at the full moon and knew I was doomed. I picked up the body and shoved it in the trunk slamming the trunk lid down, but the hand that was sticking out was severed and hit the ground hard with a thud. Grabbing the hand, I jumped into the driver's seat and began to wait for an idea of where to take her to come to me. Finally, an idea came to mind. Drive to the cemetery’s forest, walk to the middle and bury the body. I started the car and went on my way, the gravel rattling under the tires...

A break was needed. Pulling over after a good distance, my hands gripped the wheel, with fear and hatred. I burst out crying uncontrollably. I just killed my little sister.

Clara was only seven years old. She was an innocent little girl. We were like best friends, unbreakable best friends. Why would someone hurt their sibling like that? I know I have crossed over a line that I will never be able to go back over.

One day Clara decided that she wanted us to ride our bikes to the park. Of course, all I said was we will after lunch. Lunch came and went. I kept putting it off longer and longer. Finally, I caved into going. Once we were over there I don’t know what came over me; all I wanted to do was hurt someone. I have never felt this urge before. I always had good thoughts and amazing intentions. I don’t know where it came from. We played at the park for an hour and started to come back home. When Clara was driving me insane with not riding in a straight line. We ended up crashing into each other and that is the last that I remember.

The next thing I know I am waking up in a morgue with Clara lying next to me motionless. All I do is reach over and try to shake her awake. Nothing. I shake again. Nothing. I knew there was no way of saving her now. I try sitting up and nothing no movement at all. Why can’t I move? Where am I? Are they going to hurt me? Why am I here? I could not think about anything else other than all these questions running through my mind. All of a sudden everything just stopped. No more questions just a wave of pain and guilt came over me like an ice cold blanket. There was nothing I could do but lay there and hope that nobody was coming.

After what seems to be an hour, I try to sit up again but this time it works. I look over at my sister and try one more time to wake her up. It didn’t work. I lean over and lay her head on my lap. I begin to stroke her hair like I use to do when she couldn’t sleep at night. What happened to us? How did we get here? Why? Why did you have to leave? I got choked up and started to cry. I couldn’t help it. I could not stop it from happening, just too much overwhelming emotion at once. When I was able to stop crying I was filled with anger; this anger that needed to hurt someone for what they did to us. I gently set her head back on the table right where it was, get up onto my knees and begin to crawl to the edge of the table. It feels like I am running a marathon, every bone and muscle in my bone without feel except for the shooting, piercing pain. I have only crawled about three feet from where I was laying.

I am so tired and I can’t figure out why. I can’t stop now; just a little bit farther. It felt like I was crawling for hours but in reality, I was only crawling for a few minutes. I am at the edge of the table now. I kick my legs over and sit on the edge. All I have to do is jump off. I try and fail. I’m too weak to lift myself even a centimeter off the table. I try again but fail. I start to lose hope in ever getting out of this place. I roll over on my side, close my eyes and fall back into a deep sleep.

I wake up with a lot of energy and hope that I can get out of this place. I kick my legs over the edge and say in my head, “I think I can, I know I can” over and over until I gain enough confidence to jump off the table. I am falling, when will I reach the ground? I hit the ground ten minutes after I jumped. What took so long for me to fall and hit the ground? The next thing I do is unexpected even for myself… I grab the pocket knife out of my pants pocket and look at it. Like it was taunting me to kill myself. Once I snap out of the trance, I realize that I have to bury Clara in a proper grave. As I look around to find a way up. All I can think about is my need to get Clara. I didn’t do anything else, but I was magically back up on the table standing next to her body. I don't wait for an answer I just grab and go. Doing it just like I did last time. But this time I had a lot more energy... and hope.

Once I make it to the ground I start to look for an exit. I found one. I begin to drag Clara's body towards the door when the trance came over me again. This time I didn’t think of Clara. I looked and thought about a plant that was across the room. Next thing I know it was wilting. Is this how I killed Clara? Worry is all that came to mind. I continued to drag her body to the door. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt her. This is all my fault. I hurt my little sister.” I kept repeating it in my head as I opened the door and walk out onto the asphalt parking lot. I look up to the full moon filling the dark night sky. I look for the nearest car and start walking to it while partially dragging and partially carrying the body. I opened the trunk and put Clara inside only to slam the door on her hand so hard that I watched her hand fall to the ground. I pick up the hand off the asphalt and jump into the car. I begin to hot-wire the car with only panic running through the course of my veins. The car started and I sat there waiting for an idea to hit me. I could drive to the cemetery’s forest, and walk to the middle. Bury the body and drive to the airport three towns over. I didn’t think much of it. All I did was start driving to the cemetery.

We made it to the cemetery, I jumped out of the car and opened the trunk ready to bury my sister. I began to lift her up out of the trunk when it happened again. I dropped Clara on the ground and grabbed the pocket knife out of my pocket once more. Feeling the temptation even more strongly this time. I bring my hand to the knife and bring out the blade. Slowly, I raise the blade to my neck. Eventually, the blade begins to pierce through my skin. I wipe the blood from my neck and put the blade away. I stare in shock that I almost killed myself. After a few minutes, I pick up Clara with tears in my eyes knowing that I am turning into a monster.

I slowly and carefully carry Clara through the forest debris, my mind too numb to think of any more thoughts. Finally, making it to the center of the forest, I set Clara down gently on a pile of green leaves. I soon realize that I didn’t bring a shovel and immediately feel like an idiot for not thinking of it beforehand. I look around to see if there is anything that could help me in this situation. There is nothing, nothing at all. After not finding anything I start thinking about trying to use the blackouts, or my power, to dig the hole. I focus on a spot on the ground hoping this will work. Nothing. I try harder. Nothing. “This is hopeless.” I get down on my hands and knees begin to dig with my hands, knowing that I was going to be here for a while.

After nine hours of digging, it is finally time to put Clara in her grave. So, weak and tired I crawl out of the hole in the ground and walk over to the body. I stared at her helplessly. I blackout again after grabbing the knife from my pocket once more and bringing it to my neck. My hands are packed with dirt and blood. I pierce into the cut I made earlier, making it deeper. I snap out of it when the knife is halfway into my neck. I look down to see my blood dripping onto Clara. I pull the knife out with pain pulsing through my neck. I fold the blade back in and put it in its rightful place. I pick up Clara and slowly carry her over to her grave only to lay her down next to it while thinking about decorating the inside with leaves and flowers. I walk over to one of the trees and begin to pick leaves. Being careful not to ruin the beautiful maple leaves, I gather as many as I possibly can. Eventually, I had enough leaves to cover the bottom of the grave. I jump in and begin to decorate.

I look down at my watch and realize that twenty minutes have passed. I finished with the bed of leaves and proceeded to put Clara inside. As I lift her body, I blackout again almost dropping her. I gently set her body down on the bed of leaves and hop out of the grave only to grab the pocket knife once more. The trance was even stronger this time, taunting me to kill myself. I could feel my head pounding, trying to fight back. I couldn’t do it, I was too weak to fight. The knife began cutting at the flesh, deeper than before. I try so hard to stop, but I can't. I fall to my knees looking back down at Clara’s body. I can sharply feel every ounce of pain but am not able to control myself. I continue to cut to the point where the blade was a little more than halfway in. I did not want to die. Why is this happening to me? I couldn’t snap out of it this time. I fell to my stomach almost landing on top of Clara. So much pain and nothing I could to do about it. As the knife cuts deeper and deeper I feel like screaming with hopes that someone was close enough to hear. In my mind, there was no one around for miles. The knife now three quarters of the way into my neck just barely misses the major artery. I knew I was never going to escape. There is no escape. I jabbed the knife in all the way cutting into my trachea. I finally snap out of it, but it is too late there was no saving me now. Why did I have to kill myself? I crawled to my hands and knees and pulled out the knife, only to suffocate myself from oxygen. I crawl closer to Clara's grave. Struggling to breathe. Why... why me? I fall head first into the grave with a lifeless body.

One week later a little boy playing in the forest found our bodies and told his mother. The good thing is that Clara was able to have the proper burial that she deserved. I, in the other hand got the same thing, but I don't think I deserved it. The little boy recognized Clara when he first saw her. She was the cute girl from his school that he still had a crush on. That is how he kind of knew where we lived. He told our mom, and we were buried right next to our great-grandfather, Harold Junior.

The little boy said he felt a strange presence when he passed the grave; not from Clara, but from me. He told his mother but she just thought he was saying that just because he was scared. I have a feeling that the innocent little boy is going to end up dying like I did. He has absorbed the bad presence that was taunting me. I hope the little boy is strong enough to fight and will never give in.

The day after I was buried, my mom had a memorial for Clara and I. Everyone came, all of our friends, family, teachers, and more. One of my school teachers, Mrs. Nelson, said that I was always a sweet, caring, smart kid. All of those characteristics are lies. I killed my sister! Does that really make me caring or sweet? All of what people said was a lie... Except for when my mom spoke.

She said, “When Stephanie was born, the nurses took her away immediately. I pleaded to the doctors for an explanation, but I got no answer. After about ten minutes of pleading, they finally answered, saying 'your baby needs surgery on her brain. During your pregnancy, you were supposed to have twins right? Well, of course, I said yes. Well, most doctors would say you miscarried one of them, but from everything we've seen, there would be only one reason for you to have a miscarriage. We have found out that your baby is cursed or has a different presence than any regular baby. She has two sides to herself. That is why on the ultrasound you saw two babies. Your kid will always have a shadow above her taunting her to do things if you don't let us do the surgery.' I knew I was going to regret this decision later, but I decided not to do the surgery. I don't know if that is why she died or if someone really killed her. No one will ever know, I guess. I regret not letting the doctors do the surgery. I keep wondering if I would be standing here now had I done it.”

After hearing that, everything made sense; that constant thought someone was watching me; the countless accounts of woking up somewhere I didn’t recognize. All of my life doctors have been watching me, making sure I don't hurt myself. When I lashed out, they reacted. I have been a huge study my whole life just like one big experiment. I just wonder if the doctors were never there in my life, would I have been like this? Would this have happened? I know that there is no way to put this to a stop. The taunting is going to keep happening, just like a chain reaction that I started. That little boy is going to struggle with life because of me. I infected an innocent little boy. Why couldn’t mom just let them do the surgery? 

 ~Natalie C.

Read next: Her Warm Winter
Natalie C..
Natalie C..

I am a young writer who lets her creative flow through her writing. I tend to write on the darker side of topics because a lot of people don't. I have a darker imagination than most people. 

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