Horror is powered by Vocal creators. You support Almárëa Laurësil by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Horror is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

The Hybrid Theory

A Comedy

Scene I
Act 1

[The scene opens with Mr. and Mrs. Vampwolf eating breakfast, trying to get their kids ready for school.]

Mom: Kids, it’s 6:30pm. The sun has set, and the bus will be here soon!

Dad: Get down here and eat the raw fish your mother caught for you!

Honey Woof Woof: But Mom, I have a test in blood-types tonight, and I didn’t study!

Mom: I told you over and over again to stop conditioning your body hair and get to work. Now brush your fangs and put on your cape.

Honey Woof Woof: Okay. Geez! It’s not my fault I have all this hair! I didn’t ask to be ½ werewolf!

Dad: Hey now, little Vampwolf, we come from a noble line of both werewolves and vampires. Don’t you start…..

[Just then, Wolfie Vampwolf comes running into the kitchen.]

Wolfie: Mornin’, Mom ‘n Pop. Mmmmm. Good fish, Momma. Where’s my History of Covens book?

Dad: Did you look in the den?

Wolfie: Dad, our whole house is a den!

Dad: Very funny! Now drink your blood and get ready to get on the bus!


Scene I
Act II

[Victor comes into the kitchen and takes the keys off the hook on the wall.]

Mom: Good morning, Victor. Can you please tell me what you think you are doing with those keys?

Victor: But, but, Moooom, I’m sixteen-hundred years old! Why can’t I drive to school?!

Dad: You can fly like always. We are not made of money, young man!

Victor: But all the other kids laugh at me!

Mom: Well, then those kids are not your friends if they can’t accept you for the vampire you are!

[The kids get on the bus while Victor flies away angry. Mr. and Mrs. Vampwolf sit down again to relax and eat.]


Scene II
Act I

Mom: Oh, you cooked for me today?

Dad: Yep. Made your favorite! It took me all afternoon.

Mom: Is it….?

Dad: Yes. You’re worth it, my beautiful, pale bride!

Mom: I can’t believe you made blood pie! Wow!

[She starts eating, and very quickly, she notices a long, black hair in the pie. Before she vomits, she pushes her plate away and stands up.]

Mom: Cletus, there’s a hair in my breakfast… AGAIN!

Dad: LuAnn, we aren’t going to go over this again, are we? It’s not my fault that I sometimes lose my hair these days. I’m no young pup!

Mom: I can’t help it. Sometimes… I wonder if vampires and werewolves were meant to marry….

Dad: Why, our kids are fine! We have a wonderful, safe den. You just got a deluxe coffin!

Mom: Well, I don’t know how well Victor is adjusting. He’s not a hybrid. He misses his father, you know.

Dad: Well, he was a very bad man, and I had to stake him!

Mom: I know, but bad or not, Victor thinks you did it because… you hate vampires!

Dad: Awwww, well you know that’s not true — I MARRIED ONE! And, it’s not easy!

Mom: Oh, yeah? Why?

Dad: (whining) We never get to do anything during the daytime! And, you seem addicted to the Blood Bank! Do you love your job more than me?

Mom: (frustrated) I guess so!

[She thinks about drinking him dry and being done with it, but instead she gives him a big hug.]

Mom: Oh, Darling Honeybear, I don’t mean it. You know we were meant to be together forever!

Dad: That’s my gal! You know how I’m a monster in the morning!

[They both laugh hardily and go back to eating breakfast.]

The End

Characters

Mrs. LuAnn Vampwolf — Daughter of the notorious "nos veratu" (vampire), Count Akula of Romania. She is a dead-icated wife, mother, and Blood Bank employee.

Mr. Cletus Vampwolf, II — Cousin of the elusive North American Sasquatch, who also changes form from human to animal, Cletus is a werewolf like no other. He was working with the Peace Corps in Afghanistan, when he met LuAnn, working as a Blood Bank nurse, and they’ve been in love ever since.

Victor Dracul: LuAnn’s son from a previous marriage to the evil, Transylvanian menace, Daggertooth “Dean” Dracul.

Honey Woof Woof: The Vampwolf’s hybrid redneck teenage daughter.

Wolfie Vampwolf: The Vampwolf’s hybrid son who loves to eat raw fish and to study witchcraft.

Now Reading
The Hybrid Theory
Read Next
The Room at the End of the Hall