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The past ... The past was great, it was warm, it was happy, I was happy. I wish I could find a time traveling device and just go back to the past—specifically 2005. 2005 was a great year for me and for my family. My mom was a florist, she loved flowers. I remember after school going to her shop and smelling all the different types of flowers. Roses, lilies, hydrangeas—my mom had them all. My favorite were the sunflowers. They were so big and so yellow; they just reminded me of happiness and joy. My dad was a dentist. He would work all day and when he would come home he would still smell like toothpaste, it made me laugh. We were a small little family, I didn't have any brothers or sisters, but it was okay.
It all went down hill in 2006 after my father lost his job. I remember the day crystal clear. I first heard my mom's screams echoing throughout the house. When I went to see what was wrong, she grabbed me by the arm, put me in my room, and locked the door. I was confused, but I grabbed a coloring book and started coloring to keep me busy. While in my room I continued to hear loud cries from my mother, then loud sirens that got louder and louder until they reached my house. Then, finally sounds of men rushing inside. I still didn't know what was going on. It had seemed like hours had gone by before I heard my door unlock and my mother came in. Her face was tear stained and she had red paint on her shirt.
"Mommy were you doing crafts without me? That's no fair!" I laughed. But my mom didn't laugh back. "Mommy? Are you okay?" She looked at me opened her mouth and then started to cry again. "Mommy it's alright. I'm not actually mad you did crafts without me."
My mother looked at me and finally said, "I know, sweetheart. That is not why mommy is crying."
"Then why are you crying?" I looked at her confused.
"Oh honey, this is really hard for me to tell you." She said a single tear falling down her face.
"I can take it! I am six-years-old, I am practically a grown up!" I smiled at her.
The tears started coming more down my mothers cheeks. "So, I'm sure you heard the sirens and the people who came into our house." I nodded. "Well they came to pick up daddy."
"Where did they take him?" I asked.
"Well, the thing is..." She started crying harder. "...your daddy was very sad that he couldn't find a job and make money for us. He also really missed being a dentist. He must have gotten to a point where he was too sad that he ended up taking his own life."
"Took his life where?" I asked still confused, because I was six-years-old and didn't know anything about suicide.
"Honey, your daddy went to heaven today." She looked at me with puffy eyes, and it had finally clicked in my head. I knew what heaven was it was a place that people went to when they died, and I bursted into tears.
How could my father be so selfish. We would have gotten through it. He left us. He left me, his six year old daughter, without a father. I will have no one to walk me down the aisle. He will never see me graduate high school or college, and he will never meet my children. I hate him for that!
In 2012, my mother married this new guy, Tony. Tony is a straight up alcoholic, pot head, asshole, and I don't know what my mother ever saw in him. I still loved my mother to death and I just dealt with the pig that she called her husband.
Four years later, on my 16th birthday, the second worst thing in my life had occurred. My mother surprised me with concert tickets to see my favorite band, Panic! at the Disco. I was going to take my best friend, Sara, but she ended up getting mono and couldn't go. So, my mother ended going with me. My mom hates driving downtown to the arena, so we decided to take a trolley.
"Are you excited! I don't know any songs, but I am still pumped to go to a concert with my favorite daughter!!" My mother smiled at me.
"First of all mom, I am your only daughter. Second of all, of course I am excited to go!! Brendon Urie is my husband! Are you kidding." I laughed.
She laughed and we jumped out of the car. While we were waiting on the platform a man, who was wearing all black and had his hood up came onto the platform. He looked kind of suspicious, but I didn't pay him any mind. It was almost time for the trolley to show up, when the man came up to us.
"Excuse me, ma'am. You wouldn't happen to have any money I could borrow. I left all my cash at home, and I am trying to get to the city." The man said to my mom.
"No, I am sorry sir I don't carry cash on me, either." My mom was obviously lying. She always has cash on her.
"Please anything would help, even a quarter. I am trying to go visit my daughter. It's her birthday." He persisted.
"No I am sorry sir, but I really don't have anything." My mom said with a more stern voice.
Within a couple of seconds the man pulled a gun out of his pocket and pointed it at my mom. "How about now, bitch. Do you have any money now."
My mother didn't flinch. She just looked at me and said, "It's alright, Addie." My mother is a very strong women. I think after seeing my father post suicide, she isn't really afraid of anything. "Sir, I honestly don't have anything."
The guy put his gun down, and within seconds my mother lunged towards him, trying to grab the gun out of his hands. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and while dialing 911, I heard a loud bang. I looked up from my phone and saw the man grab my mothers purse from her hands and take off. I screamed for him to stop and to come back here when I finally realized something. My mother fell to her knees, holding onto her stomach, trying to stop the blood from coming out. My mother had been shot. I quickly called 911, but before the ambulance showed up, she was already dead. At the age of six, I had lost my dad, and now at the age 16 I lost my mother. I had no one. No one except stupid ass, Tony.
Now, I didn't think my life could have gotten any shittier, but it did. After my mother died, Tony and I moved from Texas back to his home state in Iowa. So not only did I not have any parents, but now I didn't have any friends. It was literally me and Tony. Until Tony let his stupid younger brother, Ivan, live with us. Ivan and Tony were literally the same person. They both drank, they both smoked weed, and they both wasted their time playing video games. Tony wasn't awful, I mean he fed me, and I was able to take showers, so I mean life wasn't bad. He also bought me a new iPhone for some reason. I mean I had no friends to talk to with it, but it was fine. I mean it was fine until about a little over a year of us living in Iowa. Tony started drinking a lot, and I mean double of what he used to drink, and when Tony got drunk, two things would happen. One thing was just as awful as the other.
When Tony got drunk, he would either pass out for the longest time and just forget that I would exist and just not wake up, or he would get very physical with me, and not physical like in a sexual way. No, Tony has punched me in the mouth, thrown beer bottles at my head, and whatever else you could think of. You might be thinking now, how could him sleeping be just as awful as him beating you. Well, when Tony would pass out drunk for hours on end, Ivan would make his way up to my room, and you could probably figure out where this is ending up. Ivan would come into my room, and sexually assault me. I wish that I could leave that house, but I literally don't know anyone. My grandparents on both of my parents side are dead, and I don't know Tony's parents, and I really don't want to know his parents. I am 17-years-old, and I am stuck in this stupid house. I don't know what to do. I wish they could pay for what they make me endure. You know what. Scratch that. They will pay for what they make me endure.
TO BE CONTINUED!