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"Well That Was a Mistake!"; A Bad Movie Review of 'Humanoids From the Deep' (1980, Barbara Peeters)

If 'The Little Mermaid' was remade as a highly sexualised Zombie horror!

By Craig YorkPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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This film has convinced me that all films involving humanoid-fish people for some reason insist on having them partake in sex with non-fish people. It's true! Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954, Jack Arnold), The Shape of Water (2017, Guillermo Del Toro), this film, The Little Mermaid (1989, Ron Clements)! WHAT IS WITH THESE FILMS AND INTER-SPECIES FISH SEX?! Is this some kind of weird fetish I have missed out on?! (Not that I'd want to partake in such a bizarre fetish.)

So if you haven't guessed from my little rant there, this is a film about mutant fish coming out from the sea to rape young bikini-clad and occasionally-nude women, of a small port town caught up in a racial and territorial dispute with a native American tribe. Yes, you read that right. I am not saying that as a joke, that is seriously the plot. I am not delirious from the trauma, I think this description genuinely does happen, and you see everything. One minute I'm sitting there, enjoying myself, having a really good laugh at a dumb trash movie, and then all of a sudden I witness something from the darkest recesses of PornHub!

I have seen some bad films in my time. For the most part I enjoy them, they are so bad you cannot help but laugh and enjoy them. This film however, has left me traumatized! It was still hilariously bad, and a truly atrocious example of filmmaking, but holy shit, it has left me mentally horrified for possibly the rest of my own existence on this bloody planet. I was honestly expecting just an ironically cheesy and hilarious B-movie, but instead I got... whatever the fuck this was. I, in this scenario, was the fool. Believe it or not, my sister actually warned me about this film.

Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of not taking heed of her advice when it comes to films of this nature. Meaning, I'm either a reckless moron, or I have subconsciously suppressed a masochistic side to my personality. Considering the amount of bad films I watch, regardless of the consequences, it's probably very much a mixture of both. I get the feeling these new "bad movie reviews" are going to end up as a form of therapy for me, to compensate for the significant horror that has left my mind permanently fucked.

I honestly have become truly inquisitive as to how the filmmakers pitched this film. Perhaps they were at first pitching a normal horror B-movie, but accidentally went to a porn production company. Or maybe they genuinely meant to create a more desperately needy, horny, violent, mutant version of Ariel from The Little Mermaid (1989, Ron Clements). Yes that description has probably ruined your childhoods completely; but to be frank, I don't care. Me ruining your childhood is a holiday compared to the shit I had to sit through in order to bring you this damn review. I have experienced true hell, and its name is Humanoids from the Deep (1980, Barbara Peeters)!

This is a film that can only be experienced in order to believe in its existence, but I would strongly advise against it; but I reckon if you're a committed bad movie fan like me, you'll have some repressed masochistic dark thoughts of curiosity propelling you forward, and insisting you watch it. In a display of self punishment that you'll try to convince yourself is enjoyment, but in fact it's the trauma slowly kicking in. If you do insist however, it does happen to be on Netflix, but be sure to do it on a drunken Friday night, and show it to your friends to gain sadistic laughter from their horrified reactions.

Enjoying their suffering may be the only way you yourself can survive it.

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About the Creator

Craig York

A film nut job who one day got bored and decided to write some film reviews.

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